This game sucks! (How to talk to your GM) Part 1

Unless you have been lucky or haven’t been playing very long, you’ve probably experienced it. Your GM is taking the game in directions you don’t like or aren’t comfortable with, or perhaps is just not running the style of game you want to play; perhaps they have implemented house rules or “interpretations” that you disagree with or that are patently wrong. You want to stay with the group and are interested in continuing in the same game, but want to see some changes, thematic or otherwise. When this happens, the typical gamer (myself included) will respond in one of several destructive ways:

Quietly stew for months, not really enjoying the game but feeling obligated to stay until you finally drop out of the game, typically starting with bad attendance (so you are less involved and feel less obligated) and culminating in no call no show.
Same as above but ending with a catastrophic shouting match centered around your issue or something completely unrelated.
Sabotage the game through violence against other PCs, NPC’s or by ignoring the plot and or trying to waste entire sessions on diversions.
Snippy comments and obvious passive aggressive behavior which make your DM feel stupid or inadequate.

Why shouldn’t I act this way?

This behavior is not only immature, it is pointless. Most GMs are either blazing egotists who cannot understand how the players are not enjoying what they are doing, or they lack self esteem and are in constant need of positive reinforcement. Or both. In either case, the above approaches do nothing but exacerbate the problem. The GM will see your behavior as offensive or disappointing, and will most likely see it as a personal attack, not a reasonable request for change.

What should I do instead?

Dealing with situations like these can be very difficult. We get together to have fun and play a game, not spend endless time arguing or being unpleasant to each other. Nothing tears a group up like player vs GM conflict. Even still, addressing the problem can be simplified by following a short set of rules:

Try to head problems off early; a few words in private can be very effective. If you bring the problem to your GM’s attention early, it can typically be easily remedied.
Don’t make it a performance. Your GM probably doesn’t need an intervention. Calling them out in front of all the players will put them on the defensive, lowering your chances of getting a fair hearing.
Don’t be angry, yell, scream, or be insulting.
Stress the positive. Tell your GM what parts of the game you really enjoy.

Instead, explain what your problem is, and why it is a problem. If your argument is rules based, present evidence to support it. Reference similar rules or systems as support. If your GM decides to rule against you in regards to a certain ability, see if they will let you swap it for something else.

If the problem is based around what you want from the game or what your personal boundaries are for campaign content, explain what you want and clearly delineate where you are willing to have the campaign go. Most GMs know when they are pushing the envelope and will be willing to dial it back for the comfort of their players.

So my GM is running Star Wars Saga Edition, but I want to play Fuzzy Bunny Armada!

Sometimes the problem is not campaign elements that make you uncomfortable, or simple dissatisfaction with the game, but a desire to do something completely different. In these situations a different approach is required. If what you want is drastically different from the game your GM is trying to run, the time to raise objections is at the start of the campaign, not six months in. At that point, the chances that the GM will be willing to just drop all his intricate plotting and planning are very slim. If you really want something different, consider starting your own game on a different night, and with yourself as GM This way, the story will contain the elements you want. In addition, every GM I have ever known has wanted to be a player but been unable to do so because “they are the GM”. Invite your GM and other players to your game and start telling your own stories.

Continued tomorrow in Part 2: What to do When Nothing Changes.

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http://www.ApathyGames.com Jeff Carlsen

Just to clarify, Fuzzy Bunny Armada is copyright 2010, Apathy Games. Don’t even think of stealing the idea.
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Qmslager

Fuzzy Bunny Armada Already stolen (well in the weird time loop of the universe we used the term before 2010 but hey that is what time loops do well)

Came across your article while trying to find a way to approach a problem player and was interested in seeing what the other perspective is. have to say, while your methods are exactly on par with my expectations of how to handle problem GM’s your approach leaves a lot to desire. Specifically the way you perceive the GM. To quote your article “Most GM’s are either blazing egotists …or they lack self esteem…” Seems to me if you approach a Gm and these are your only two expectations you will never really enjoy the game and cannot truly identify with or feel comfortable with the GM. It also becomes readily apparent that you do not respect the person performing the GM duties, which means all your relations with them will automatically be antagonistic. I assume you wrote that to commiserate with other players but it does say a lot about the player when even jokingly you brush with such a broad and unflattering stroke. I’m willing to bet anyone who approaches a game with these thought processes as a player is considered a problem player by the GM.

It does make me consider how I approach players when having to GM. It makes me wonder if I paint them with the same shortsighted expectations, do I bully them into conforming to my expectations, do I believe that there are only 7 types of players and all of them bad?

I do find the problem play perspective interesting from a player like yourself and from a gm like the previous article I read that both approach it from a “I can do no wrong angle” but the GM article made sure that getting the approval of other players was first (making sure they are on the same page and feel the same way) while your article considers the feelings of other players last.

This is a good tell about how to deal with problem players even though it was unintentional, treat them with respect but deal with them like they are whiny ten year old princesses.

On the other hand when dealing with a GM treat them with respect and realize that you are a whiny ten year old princess and the GM has the tickets to the ball, learn to negotiate.
Paul Meerscheidt

Interesting comment. I will peruse it in more detail when I get a moment. My first reaction is to say that my statement is somewhat self referential, as I can sometimes be a blazing egotist. Yes, we can break GM’ing down into as many sub categories as there are systems of psychological analysis, but most players with a GM comfortably between my two extremes will probably not need my advice, so I didn’t write with them in mind.

The post was written based on my observations of how players dealt with this situation in my games, as well as observations of how I and other players have dealt with game dissatisfaction in other people’s games. In addition, it was written to provide useful advice in a manner that would grab attention and give the reader/player some sense of ownership of their own leisure activity.

A person who is angry or upset wants to feel like the advice they are getting comes from someone who shares their feelings or concerns, not someone who is apologizing for the person who pissed them off in the first place. I feel that I did a fairly good job presenting the angry player a good, effective mechanism to address their concerns, while allowing them to vent some steam vicariously through reading.

I think some of you reaction can be attributed to your situation. You didn’t want me to validate your player’s problems by placing you in either of the categories I stated. It is worth noting however that the problem player may be doing so.

Finally, I discussed the feelings of the other players in some detail in the second part of this post.

P.S. Absolute statements are never 100% correct (get it?), as you pointed out.