The Rule of Cool

“What is the rule of cool,” you might ask? It’s making everything more badass then what came before it. It’s a high octane kick to the balls of ray guns and dimpled cheeks. Being cool is more than just acting cool–it’s a freaking lifestyle change. Super charge your game with pulpy non-stop action with these rules of cool:

The MST3K Rule

“If you’re wondering how he eats and breathes

and other science facts (la la la),

Then repeat to yourself, “It’s just a show,

I should really just relax.”

Plant your tongue firmly in your cheek and work on sharpening your wit to a razor fine finish. You’re going to need it when you’re fighting zombies and pirates at every turn. What fun is drop kicking a man-cat into cold clutches of breathable space unless you quip some pun about putting the cat outdoors? Oh, you read that right: breathable space. Where we come from, our glinting teeth and shining charisma have enough gravity to contain a breathable atmosphere; Batman once tried to steal this from you. That’s right. You took on Batman.

The Running Gag

“ACME Rocket Skates, 1 Pair.”

A joke isn’t funny unless it’s told every time you have the opportunity. It doesn’t matter that it’s the fifth space pirate you’ve seen today. Your dashing good looks insist that you fire off your ray gun, smile into the camera, and utter your catch phrase. It’s mandatory. The fact that the camera in question is only the security camera on your own ship is irrelevant. Someone, somewhere will watch this, and they need to see you in your shining glory. Make sure to shake the flowing hair out of your eyes.  The ladies love that. Trust me.

So Bad, It’s Good

“It’s 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark, and we’re wearing sunglasses.”

“Hit it.”

Dashing good looks are all they are cracked up to be. A couple of rules are needed regarding sidekicks, though. They cannot be older then you.  In fact, the younger the better. When they inevitably get caught and tied up by your arch nemesis, you look that much more heroic when you save them. Also make sure that they worship the ground you walk on. That way, you can take credit for all the work they do for you. Hey, who said that being a hero had to be hard work? Isn’t it hard enough to be this beautiful?

So you know,  just reading this has already made you cooler.   Good job, Kid! In a couple more years you will be ready to run with the big boys in the space lanes.

How have you kicked out the pulpy jams in your games? What are your daring tales of the space lanes?